I just want to say upfront … I have no regrets, however, looking back on my life I would definitely do things different than I did from the time I turned 18 and ventured off to college and on my own for the first time. I was always sensitive to the wants and needs of others … their expectations of me and above all else I never wanted (still don’t) to disappoint anyone. As a result, many of my life choices were based on other people rather than what I really wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t let anyone else run my life, but I did take them into consideration when making life choices and decisions.
I was always the ‘good’ girl growing up. If I was told not to do something because it was not proper or acceptable, I took that as the way things should be … not questioning, but often wondering what difference it would make if I did the opposite. But, as I said … my lot in life was to make everyone happy all too often at my own personal unhappiness.
I was not a risk taker. I didn’t venture outside the box. I did not run with the wild (i.e. fun) crown. Living my life on the inside looking out rather than being in the thick of things. Oh … I missed so much.
In my young adult years, I still didn’t want to disappoint those who had certain expectations of me and again … missed out on so much because of choosing to do the ‘safe’ thing over the ‘risky’ or ‘fun’ thing.
By the time I turned 50, I decided I no longer cared what anyone thought and it was my life to do as I pleased. I no longer cared if I said the right or wrong thing in any given situation. Being cruel with my words or actions was still something I vowed never to do regardless of other people not seeming to suffer any consequences when they did.
Now, well past the middle of my life, I still no longer care what I say or do and could care less what anyone thinks of me. I still try to never be deliberately cruel with my words or actions, but if someone gets their feelings stepped on along the way they have to deal with it … not my problem. I always kept my mouth shut when someone was rude to me, never had that perfect come back that always came to me hours or days later, never stooped to their level of cruelty, but I never forgot who did or said what to me.
If I had the opportunity to turn back time, there were be changes, more of a balance of what I wanted for me and what others wanted of me. My life path would definitely be different then and now. I would have come to decisions sooner and not waited until half my life was over to do exactly what I wanted to do for me rather than what others wanted of me … expected of me.
I now longer care if everyone is happy or likes me … that is not my job. My job is to make me happy, make my life valuable and comfortable for me and me alone … taking care of me first rather than putting others ahead of my wants and needs. I have never hated myself, but I never really loved myself until this point in my life. I come first. It is empowering to say ‘no’ without agonizing over how that will make someone feel.
My advice … should you accept it … ‘You have only one life. Live it the way you want to live it not on the expectations or demands of someone else. You won’t love other people less, but you certainly will love yourself even more. Follow your dreams … dance in the rain … walked under the stars … be a beach gypsy … sell everything and live in a travel trailer criss crossing the country doing anything and everything you choose at the time … make no plans … be spontaneous … then do it all over again. Bottom line be happy always!”
Copyright © 2017 Annie
Always…I wish you peace, joy and happiness, but most of all I wish you Love.
As Ever, Annie