Falling Off the Wagon
New from the moment I bought it that I was in trouble. ‘Falling Off the Wagon’ is an addict’s worst nightmare. There were years … perhaps decades that I resisted, but … in m old age I said, “What the HELL.”
All addicts know that feeling … the moment when resistance no longer exists. When all is takes is that first step toward the fall and all is lost. Regardless of the addiction this is how it begins after being good for so long.
In my mind, I was working through a new recipe … a kitchen hack for a combination of flavors that I currently crave … but I didn’t want to begin from ‘scratch’ to see if what I wanted to bake would actually work.
I love desserts, but I do hold back most of the time. At a meeting earlier in the week I once again indulged in a tempting bar cookie I had not eaten since childhood. The amazing combination of a simple soft sugar cookie base topped with chocolate chips, pecans and coconut. Back in the day they were called Magic Bar Cookies or sometimes Millionaire Bars. Regardless of the name these bar cookies are heaven to my taste buds.
So … those little pieces of delight were the cause of me ‘Falling Off the Wagon’ once I got home from the grocery store. Before shopping I decided to buy pre-made sugar cookies … slice and bake or the more common today slab of cookie dough divided into twenty-four squares that can be broke off and cooked at will … the entire two dozen or just 3-4, enough to satisfy a sudden craving. That was my choice since the plan was to use just enough ‘squares’ to fill an 8X8 square pan squished together and cover the bottom then topped with the other ingredients.
Driving home I had flashbacks of driving all over Lubbock in search of slice and bake chocolate chip cookie dough. We were in the middle of an all-night study session and midnight was our point of weakness. We needed a sugar high to get us through until morning. In those days the major grocery stores closed between 9 and 10 pm. That left us on a cookie dough scavenger hunt of all night convenience stores. Of course the one right across the highway didn’t have what we wanted. After searching for what seemed forever, we found our cookie dough and headed home. We didn’t wait for a knife … just cut open the end and squeezed finger fulls of that wonderful chocolate chip delight. We fed out addiction and got us through the mysteries of research statistics by dawn.
I was raised eating raw cookie dough – sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies – what ever mom made I got a scoop in a bowl to eat as well as the mixer beaters and bowl. No judging here about raw eggs and all that stuff … I ate … I conquered … I survived!
That little bag of twenty-four sugar cookies went into the fridge with my other cold purchases. I ate lunch, put away leftovers, cleaned up and tried to get a quick nap. My brain would not turn off about the cookie dough … would it be soft enough to press into the pan right from the fridge or would it need to sit on the counter and warm up to spread easily? Giving up on sleep, I went straight to the fridge and opened that bag of cookies. I needed to know the softness, flavor and just what I would be working with when I made my experiment.
Just one square was all I needed. It was perfect, soft and easy to manipulate … and SCORE already topped with sanding sugar – an unexpected layer of flavor. After this little discover session, I ate that bite of dough. That was it … when I ‘fell off’ the cookie dough wagon. I didn’t stop with one, but did after a second square. Thankfully I still had some control or I would have been back to the store for tomorrow’s recipe testing. I secured the remaining squares in a ziplock bag with my finger twitching for another square … again I resisted.
In that moment, mid-afternoon my addiction was unleashed after years or even decades. All my cookie dough memories came flooding back and I started plotting new recipes that would allow me to fee that addiction. After all … the monster was awakened and my food website is called Confession of a Lazy Cook … I had to live up to that name!
Copyright © 2017 Sharyl
Always…I wish you peace, joy and happiness, but most of all I wish you Love.
As Ever, Sharyl