I wake with a start … the dream again. One of those dreams that straddle a fine line between love and hate … I love it when I have the dream and hate it when I wake up. My therapist tells me recurring dreams of the past with my wife and daughter is part of my healing … my grieving … but it seems to take me back to square one every time one invades my sleep. At least I am sleeping better … not much, but some … anything is better than spending a night tossing in tangled sheets trying to get the horrors of the past year to leave me alone.
The dream is of my wife and daughter … smiling … alive … and happy. This one tonight was special because they were finally meeting Max. Max is my neighbor’s self-appointed therapy dog who has brought me back from that dark abyss more times than anyone knows. In my dream, this special dog is playing my family. Sharing his special kind of love with my wife and daughter as we play Frisbee with him in the meadow. He has a doggie crush on my daughter and wraps her in his version of a bear hug every time he brings the Frisbee back to her.
When it is time to go home Max refuses to leave us when we come to his house. I let John, his human, know he is going home with us for a little while. This was perfect for everyone and Max took my daughter’s hand in his mouth to gently walk her home. This gave me some brief alone time with my wife as we slowly walked arm and arm up the lane to our home.
My daughter was giving Max some of the treats I keep for him and a cool bowl of water after his workout. It was a match made in heaven between dog and girl. I turned to my wife for a quick kiss, scratched the special spot between Max’s ears and drew my daughter in for a long family hug.
Then … the dream ended when I woke up confused until reality came crashing back in on me … Dream Memories I call them because they include a combination of the past and my present with Max and John. What do they mean … or do they mean anything at all? I have decided to keep the Dreams to myself for now … not telling my therapist about them until I can process them for a while. I am keeping a detailed dream journal after each one to have when the time is right to share.
Deciding I needed to write down everything while it was fresh on my mind, I wandered into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and get my journal. The kitchen light chased away the night’s darkness And I saw a bowl of water and the opened bag of treats right where my daughter left them in the dream.
My legs grew weak and I collapsed in a kitchen chair. When the shivers and trembling stopped, I felt Max’s familiar nose on my hand and a head-butt to my thigh. How did he get in … or did he never leave from the dream? Putting both his front legs on my knees, Max wrapped his entire body around me as if to tell me things were just fine and I wasn’t crazy … and the dream might just have been more real than I could imagine.
I made my tea and sat down to write down the Dream Memories of the night … being sure to include Max being there for me when I woke up. Perhaps Max is a portal to another realm where we both will be able to spend time with the two girls in our life that we both love with every fiber of our being.
Copyright © 2017 Annie
Always…I wish you peace, joy and happiness, but most of all I wish you Love.
As Ever, Annie